Upon reading about the death of my fern whom I named Fern, it was suggested to me that perhaps - just perhaps - my fern committed suicide of the chlorophyll type. At first I scoffed and laughed at such a suggestion. I mean - c'mon - plant suicide? Then I thought further about this possibility. Is there no end to the guilt I must bear?
See...I left Fern, the fern, in the care of my son and daughter-in-law during a five week holiday, assuming they would at least be able to keep it alive until I returned. Although I'm sure they meant well, they're mere common houseplant caregivers with no experience in this type of species. So in conducting their weekly watering, they probably gave Fern an ample dose of tap water (not bought bottled water as Fern prefers and is accustomed to) to sustain her. Ferns are known to be emotional (somebody told me that) finicky and spiteful. Upon realizing that it was getting water straight from the tap, it probably/could have/might have turned on them (and me) and closed down. Given the temporary caregivers experience dealing with finicky species, they probably figured that the dark green shade it turned was normal, when in effect it was committing suicide.
Actually, I had thought about bringing along Fern on holiday with me but was worried we'd be stopped at the border since the transportation of plants out of the country is a no-no.
"What's that?" a customs officer might have asked, retrieving Fern and holding it up.
"Oh that? Well...it's a plant, kind customs person," I would have told the officer.
"Hmmmm...what type of plant? The kind that you roll the leaves and smoke? Huh?" he must have continued, examining Fern's leaves and sniffing the air.
"It's a fern, officer," I would have answered.
"Oh yeah? How do I know that?" he would have peppered me with questions.
"Trust me. Here - look at the plastic information stick they supply. See? F-E-R-N," I would have told the customs person."
"Perhaps...but you can't transport living things accross the border, y'know!" the customs person would have informed us, matter of factly.
"Why not? I bring him along!" I would have commented, pointing to my husband and laughing.
At that point my husband would, knowing him, chirp in and tell the customs person to confiscate the plant since he's a law-abiding citizen. He's also not a fern lover. Not a fern hater you understand but definitely not a lover or even liker, either.
As for the blooming Christmas Cactus that is covered in red blossoms - it probably flowered in my absence to punish me. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder. Trust me on that.
No comments:
Post a Comment